Sunday, July 20, 2008
Maybe I need fantasy
I'm tired of havin' sex.
You say 'like' too much.
When I'm stable long enough, I start to look around for love.
You are 18 year old girl who live in small city of Japan.
It's time I got back, it's time I got back, and I don't even know how I got off the track.
Might have smoked a few in my time, but never thought it was a crime.
The redhead said you shred the cello... and I'm Jell-O, baby.
I'm a lot like you, so please. Hello, I'm here. I'm waiting.
Goddamn! This business is really lame. I've gotta live on an island.
I asked you to go to the Green Day concert. You said you you'd never heard of them. How cool is that?!
I just need to admit that I want sugar in my tea.
How stupid is it? For all I know, you want me too. And maybe you just don't know what to do. And maybe you're scared to say, "I'm falling for you."
Everyone's a little queer. Can't she be a little straight?
Honestly, Goddamn! You left your cello in the basement!
I've got your letter, you've got my song.
I've got a number of irrational fears that I'd like to share with you.
Excuse the bitchin', I shouldn't complain. I should have no feelin, 'cause feelin is pain.
Shakin' booty, makin sweet love all the night. It's time I got back to the good life
You say 'like' too much.
When I'm stable long enough, I start to look around for love.
You are 18 year old girl who live in small city of Japan.
It's time I got back, it's time I got back, and I don't even know how I got off the track.
Might have smoked a few in my time, but never thought it was a crime.
The redhead said you shred the cello... and I'm Jell-O, baby.
I'm a lot like you, so please. Hello, I'm here. I'm waiting.
Goddamn! This business is really lame. I've gotta live on an island.
I asked you to go to the Green Day concert. You said you you'd never heard of them. How cool is that?!
I just need to admit that I want sugar in my tea.
How stupid is it? For all I know, you want me too. And maybe you just don't know what to do. And maybe you're scared to say, "I'm falling for you."
Everyone's a little queer. Can't she be a little straight?
Honestly, Goddamn! You left your cello in the basement!
I've got your letter, you've got my song.
I've got a number of irrational fears that I'd like to share with you.
Excuse the bitchin', I shouldn't complain. I should have no feelin, 'cause feelin is pain.
Shakin' booty, makin sweet love all the night. It's time I got back to the good life
Monday, June 23, 2008
The Diamond Sea
Time takes its crazy toll
and how does your mirror grow
you better watch yourself when you jump into it
'cause the mirror's gonna steal your soul
I wonder how it came to be my friend
that someone just like you has come again
you'll never, never know how close you came
until you fall in love with the diamond rain
throw all his trash away
look out he's here to stay
your mirror's gonna crack when he breaks into it
and you'll never never be the same
look into his eyes and you can see
why all the little kids are dressed in dreams
I wonder how he's gonna make it back
when he sees that you just know it's make-belief
blood crystalized as sand
and now I hope you'll understand
you reflected into his looking glass soul
and now the mirror is your only friend
look into his eyes and you will see
that men are not alone on the diamond sea
sail into the heart of the lonely storm
and tell her that you'll love her eternally
time takes its crazy toll
mirror fallin' off the wall
you better look out for the looking glass girl
'cause she's gonna take you for a fall
look into his eyes and you shall see
why everything is quiet and nothing's free
I wonder how he's gonna make her smile
when love is running wild on the diamond sea
WishIwouldabeenthere.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxQSyzHi2-Y&feature=related
and how does your mirror grow
you better watch yourself when you jump into it
'cause the mirror's gonna steal your soul
I wonder how it came to be my friend
that someone just like you has come again
you'll never, never know how close you came
until you fall in love with the diamond rain
throw all his trash away
look out he's here to stay
your mirror's gonna crack when he breaks into it
and you'll never never be the same
look into his eyes and you can see
why all the little kids are dressed in dreams
I wonder how he's gonna make it back
when he sees that you just know it's make-belief
blood crystalized as sand
and now I hope you'll understand
you reflected into his looking glass soul
and now the mirror is your only friend
look into his eyes and you will see
that men are not alone on the diamond sea
sail into the heart of the lonely storm
and tell her that you'll love her eternally
time takes its crazy toll
mirror fallin' off the wall
you better look out for the looking glass girl
'cause she's gonna take you for a fall
look into his eyes and you shall see
why everything is quiet and nothing's free
I wonder how he's gonna make her smile
when love is running wild on the diamond sea
WishIwouldabeenthere.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxQSyzHi2-Y&feature=related
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Settling
It's amazing what people settle for when they think there's nothing better. We're taught to settle. Don't be picky, don't be unappreciative; don't question, just take it. Aren't we put on this world with nothing but our bodies and minds? If that's all we are given, we are to make all we can of it. Any part of my life made for anyone else, altered or tailored for anyone else isn't worth it... it won't stick.
There are few good things out there. But there are enough for every one person to run into them several times during his or her lifetime. Whether we reach out and hold onto them is our own choice. We let these pass by and through us, whether it be out of fear or uncertainty, complacency or anxiety.
Cheap thrills are everything else. Bad TV, or a laugh over something unmemorable. Cheap thrills to get me by, tide me over, never truly satisfying. 10,000 of these fleeting, false emotions won't equal one good person, feeling, thing that could happen to me. One thing that I'll remember, that impacted me in any way. They may not know it and I may not realize it at first, but no matter how jaded, how deluded, no matter how full of shit I am, I should know for myself what I truly need and what I don't.
There are few good things out there. But there are enough for every one person to run into them several times during his or her lifetime. Whether we reach out and hold onto them is our own choice. We let these pass by and through us, whether it be out of fear or uncertainty, complacency or anxiety.
Cheap thrills are everything else. Bad TV, or a laugh over something unmemorable. Cheap thrills to get me by, tide me over, never truly satisfying. 10,000 of these fleeting, false emotions won't equal one good person, feeling, thing that could happen to me. One thing that I'll remember, that impacted me in any way. They may not know it and I may not realize it at first, but no matter how jaded, how deluded, no matter how full of shit I am, I should know for myself what I truly need and what I don't.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Leaaavin' on a jet plane
don't know when I'll be back again.
The move-out date has come and gone again and again as I've run up to Ryan The R.A.'s door to white out my name on the check-out dates list. I'm always part of the pack that's last to leave, the Kids Left Behind every time, and the one chance I get to go home on a decent date, what do I do? Stay, of course.
Leaving early's not how I roll. I stay for the moments you had to be there for, to say goodbye more than once, to be glad for a chance to see them again after I've thought they've gone.
Is this true sadness or just a want for something that I know will be over soon? Cackles and shrieks from the lobby tell me that I won't actually miss 75 out of 80 of these teenage dirtbags, but I'll miss something about it. I'll probably cry out of pure nostalgia and wonder why I cry over people who aren't crying over me, and the crying will hurt me to my bones, but it will be alright because it feels good just to feel.
The summer heat and nights excite me for I don't know what, and remind me of the past and excitement over the unknown. Possibilities. My only hopes are that the nights get hotter. I can't wait.
The move-out date has come and gone again and again as I've run up to Ryan The R.A.'s door to white out my name on the check-out dates list. I'm always part of the pack that's last to leave, the Kids Left Behind every time, and the one chance I get to go home on a decent date, what do I do? Stay, of course.
Leaving early's not how I roll. I stay for the moments you had to be there for, to say goodbye more than once, to be glad for a chance to see them again after I've thought they've gone.
Is this true sadness or just a want for something that I know will be over soon? Cackles and shrieks from the lobby tell me that I won't actually miss 75 out of 80 of these teenage dirtbags, but I'll miss something about it. I'll probably cry out of pure nostalgia and wonder why I cry over people who aren't crying over me, and the crying will hurt me to my bones, but it will be alright because it feels good just to feel.
The summer heat and nights excite me for I don't know what, and remind me of the past and excitement over the unknown. Possibilities. My only hopes are that the nights get hotter. I can't wait.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Going to California
With an achin' in my heart.
(play)
I packed up my young life and moved it to San Diego only to pack it all up again and take it somewhere else. My life had been condensed, yet scattered at the same time. I didn't know where I was headed for my first year or how I'd get there, but I trembled in my vans and waited before I judged, my shoes loose enough for me to get swept up in a whirlwind of finding out who I wanted to be and who I could be.
Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.
My life has grown, overflowing with things I can't seem to part with. I want it all, I want it all in my life and will make. My freshman year in college is over. Did we get wild, crazy, drunk, to celebrate, go out with a bang? No. Slightly bored, we enjoyed each other's company... no rush.
My room is empty. I smell like Courtney's perfume after hugging her. Our floors are shining and clean and hearing Caro's voice crack after she'd been crying made me sadder than I've been all day.
Nothing's resolved. Everyone has these unresolved issues surrounding them like spiderwebs going into summer. Aren't we supposed to start summer free? We're learning. All we can do is go with it in hopes that everything will be alright. Because in the end, our tomorrows aren't gauranteed-- you'll never see that girl down the hall again, you'll never listen to music with that boy again, you'll never walk across the bridge and talk nonsense about sunglasses as you secretly gush over his pinstripe pants and shoes that remind you of Grandpa.
Everything is so bittersweet... and when it's bittersweet is when it's the most beautiful. Ends and beginnings, possibilities, sadness, but excitement and anxiety at the same time. Never take it for granted, never regret it, never change it, never apologize for it, relive every minute of it if given the chance, and always, always... take the chance.
Took my chances on a big jet plane, never let 'em tell you that they're all the same.
(play)
I packed up my young life and moved it to San Diego only to pack it all up again and take it somewhere else. My life had been condensed, yet scattered at the same time. I didn't know where I was headed for my first year or how I'd get there, but I trembled in my vans and waited before I judged, my shoes loose enough for me to get swept up in a whirlwind of finding out who I wanted to be and who I could be.
Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.
My life has grown, overflowing with things I can't seem to part with. I want it all, I want it all in my life and will make. My freshman year in college is over. Did we get wild, crazy, drunk, to celebrate, go out with a bang? No. Slightly bored, we enjoyed each other's company... no rush.
My room is empty. I smell like Courtney's perfume after hugging her. Our floors are shining and clean and hearing Caro's voice crack after she'd been crying made me sadder than I've been all day.
Nothing's resolved. Everyone has these unresolved issues surrounding them like spiderwebs going into summer. Aren't we supposed to start summer free? We're learning. All we can do is go with it in hopes that everything will be alright. Because in the end, our tomorrows aren't gauranteed-- you'll never see that girl down the hall again, you'll never listen to music with that boy again, you'll never walk across the bridge and talk nonsense about sunglasses as you secretly gush over his pinstripe pants and shoes that remind you of Grandpa.
Everything is so bittersweet... and when it's bittersweet is when it's the most beautiful. Ends and beginnings, possibilities, sadness, but excitement and anxiety at the same time. Never take it for granted, never regret it, never change it, never apologize for it, relive every minute of it if given the chance, and always, always... take the chance.
Took my chances on a big jet plane, never let 'em tell you that they're all the same.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Am checking in
Am checking in to let all know-- am alive. Am fartin' around in library instead of cramming for last final. Am getting jittery and nervous. Am doped up on Tylenol and Red Bull. Am avoiding saying the word/letter, "I." Am over and out. Will be back later if not did.
-(Am) Lil
-(Am) Lil
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