There's a part of me that always wants to hold on to what's lost long after everyone else has forgotten about it. Old enough to know better, still too young to care. Or young enough to care too much.
People are seasons, and the more I forcefully try to hold on to them, the more they slip away. That's the beauty of it.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
October
October is promising to simultaneously be the most stressful and epic month of the entire year.
The weeks leading up to November 2 will kill me if they haven't started to already. I'll look forward to the finish line and the end of the elections, hopefully with Prop 23 nowhere in sight. My distaste for public speaking makes announcements and class raps painful. I'm going to give myself an ulcer.
On the plus side where the grass is greener, I'm going to spend a glorious weekend adventuring around Santa Cruz, San Francisco, and Berkeley with an Arcade Fire concert to top it all off. My life will be complete.
Back to the not-so-fun sector, I'm an exec in 3 busy, busy organizations... sleep eludes me. Once again, I spread myself too thin. I'm either doing too much or not enough, but it's a fine line in my mind.
On the plus side again, my birthday is on October 6. This means two birthday parties the following Saturday: one with mommy (<3) and one Woodstock-summer-of-love-themed one with friends. I'm looking forward to good food, amazing costumes, and an epic dance sesh.
Sadly, I have yet to find a date.
Yet the good in that is that I'm still a free bird.
I have Wednesdays off from work.
But have no time to watch Modern Family
I met a bunch of fun Europeans last weekend.
But my subtle, awkward humor's lost in translation.
There are tons of amazing enviro-events coming up.
But I don't know how to be in 2 places at once.
It's a complicated and silly life I lead, a complicated and silly life indeed.
The weeks leading up to November 2 will kill me if they haven't started to already. I'll look forward to the finish line and the end of the elections, hopefully with Prop 23 nowhere in sight. My distaste for public speaking makes announcements and class raps painful. I'm going to give myself an ulcer.
On the plus side where the grass is greener, I'm going to spend a glorious weekend adventuring around Santa Cruz, San Francisco, and Berkeley with an Arcade Fire concert to top it all off. My life will be complete.
Back to the not-so-fun sector, I'm an exec in 3 busy, busy organizations... sleep eludes me. Once again, I spread myself too thin. I'm either doing too much or not enough, but it's a fine line in my mind.
On the plus side again, my birthday is on October 6. This means two birthday parties the following Saturday: one with mommy (<3) and one Woodstock-summer-of-love-themed one with friends. I'm looking forward to good food, amazing costumes, and an epic dance sesh.
Sadly, I have yet to find a date.
Yet the good in that is that I'm still a free bird.
I have Wednesdays off from work.
But have no time to watch Modern Family
I met a bunch of fun Europeans last weekend.
But my subtle, awkward humor's lost in translation.
There are tons of amazing enviro-events coming up.
But I don't know how to be in 2 places at once.
It's a complicated and silly life I lead, a complicated and silly life indeed.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair
Last week I was introduced to Craigslist rideshares by Holla. All sketchiness aside, it's opened up a whole world of cheap travel me, which is exciting.
The shady details and lack of organization are comical and my mother wouldn't be proud of me for them, but I loved it.
Our ride to San Francisco was a nice man named Arturo from Mexico. Convo recap of Thursday, AKA Day of Takeoff--
Holly: Our ride's going to pick me up first, then you, then Jared.
Lilia: Cool. Where's he at?
Holly: Uh... crossing the Mexican border. Murrrr
Interestingly enough, I didn't even realize this was odd until a few hours later, a little past LA. We sang every catchy Beatles, Bob Dylan, Queen, and Spice Girls song on the way up and got dropped off at a train station near The City on a gorgeous August day.
Jared's amazingly sweet mother picked us up and we ate at a rad organic Mexican food restaurant called Gracias Madre in the Mission District (kudos Jared). We spent the night at his fam's place where we found an epically clear patch of sky to watch the Perseid meteor shower, then left for the CSSC leadership retreat in Napa.
Once there among all of those positive and inspirational people, we shared ideas and discussed strategies to educate our fellow students about Prop 23 and the negative impact it would have on California's economy/move toward clean energy.
More in a nutshell: great organic and vegan food, learning, connecting with each other, Power Vote ed from Holly/Zen/Pam, laughter, more watching of the Perseids, random accidental trespassing into a toxic wasteland, the Hokey Pokey, puzzles, sharing of feelings, rapping, apple crumble, henna, and gittin hyphy. As usual.
After all the haze and beauty of it, the San Diego Crew still had no ride home and no prospects after plan A and B failed. I got in Pam's car which was going to SLO, hoped for the best, avoided dwelling on the fact that I had next to no money, and tried to shimmy my way as far south as possible. A little past Napa and a couple more failed attempts at finding a ride later, we found a spot in another Craigslist car, celebrated with some E-40 to be festive as we drove through the Bay, and I got my ass on the Bart to Union City Station to meet my ride, beezy.
Hours later, I took the wheel from my tired driver, waited until she fell asleep, then gunned that shit from LA to SD in about an hour and a half. Surprisingly, I still saw the remnants of the Perseids even through the lights and clouds, and it served as a lovely reminder of the nights which had passed. After getting to my house and hopping out of the car slash into bed to gear up for an 11-hr work shift, I realized that I essentially hitchhiked my way up and down the California coast for fifty bucks. As sketch as the details might sound at first, and as little sleep as I had, I honestly can't wait to do it again.
The weekend brought my attention to the constant flow of life and the beautiful way in which it resists control only to lead me to something better than I could ever initially imagine. I can't wait to learn and educate more about Power Vote, Prop 23, and refreshingly unreliable yet cheap travel.
The shady details and lack of organization are comical and my mother wouldn't be proud of me for them, but I loved it.
Our ride to San Francisco was a nice man named Arturo from Mexico. Convo recap of Thursday, AKA Day of Takeoff--
Holly: Our ride's going to pick me up first, then you, then Jared.
Lilia: Cool. Where's he at?
Holly: Uh... crossing the Mexican border. Murrrr
Interestingly enough, I didn't even realize this was odd until a few hours later, a little past LA. We sang every catchy Beatles, Bob Dylan, Queen, and Spice Girls song on the way up and got dropped off at a train station near The City on a gorgeous August day.
Jared's amazingly sweet mother picked us up and we ate at a rad organic Mexican food restaurant called Gracias Madre in the Mission District (kudos Jared). We spent the night at his fam's place where we found an epically clear patch of sky to watch the Perseid meteor shower, then left for the CSSC leadership retreat in Napa.
Once there among all of those positive and inspirational people, we shared ideas and discussed strategies to educate our fellow students about Prop 23 and the negative impact it would have on California's economy/move toward clean energy.
More in a nutshell: great organic and vegan food, learning, connecting with each other, Power Vote ed from Holly/Zen/Pam, laughter, more watching of the Perseids, random accidental trespassing into a toxic wasteland, the Hokey Pokey, puzzles, sharing of feelings, rapping, apple crumble, henna, and gittin hyphy. As usual.
After all the haze and beauty of it, the San Diego Crew still had no ride home and no prospects after plan A and B failed. I got in Pam's car which was going to SLO, hoped for the best, avoided dwelling on the fact that I had next to no money, and tried to shimmy my way as far south as possible. A little past Napa and a couple more failed attempts at finding a ride later, we found a spot in another Craigslist car, celebrated with some E-40 to be festive as we drove through the Bay, and I got my ass on the Bart to Union City Station to meet my ride, beezy.
Hours later, I took the wheel from my tired driver, waited until she fell asleep, then gunned that shit from LA to SD in about an hour and a half. Surprisingly, I still saw the remnants of the Perseids even through the lights and clouds, and it served as a lovely reminder of the nights which had passed. After getting to my house and hopping out of the car slash into bed to gear up for an 11-hr work shift, I realized that I essentially hitchhiked my way up and down the California coast for fifty bucks. As sketch as the details might sound at first, and as little sleep as I had, I honestly can't wait to do it again.
The weekend brought my attention to the constant flow of life and the beautiful way in which it resists control only to lead me to something better than I could ever initially imagine. I can't wait to learn and educate more about Power Vote, Prop 23, and refreshingly unreliable yet cheap travel.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
I like it
Oh, baby do I like it. Let's find some chocolate and do somethin' sexual.
Why? Because we're gifted like Christmas.
Cee-Lo Green - I Like It
Hot Chip - Sexual Chocolate
N.A.S.A. feat. Kanye, Santogold, & Lykke Li - Gifted (Treasure Fingers remix)
Why? Because we're gifted like Christmas.
Cee-Lo Green - I Like It
Hot Chip - Sexual Chocolate
N.A.S.A. feat. Kanye, Santogold, & Lykke Li - Gifted (Treasure Fingers remix)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Alone finally
Most days I spend my time replaying my actions. One of my life rules is to never regret, yet I find myself regretting so much of the past few months.
I haven't been completely by myself for more than 2 hours for an entire year.
I was almost afraid of what would happen when I finally found privacy in my room.
Not much surprise... I'm alone.
It's quiet aside from my own breathing. It's almost shocking not to be interrupted.
What did I think would happen once I had my own room? That the floodgates would open up, maybe. That the privacy would let me breathe. That I could take down the wall and feel a little of what I've been avoiding thinking about in depth for so long. I didn't have time... there was so much to do... but you can't love others if you don't love yourself.
Despite what I assumed might happen, I'm at a standstill. Everything is so tangled that I don't know where to start. I find distractions during the day and then cry myself to sleep over what I can't always pinpoint. When did I become so afraid? I don't want to be one of them.
I sabotaged it all. "I say there's trouble when everything's fine... the need to destroy things creeps up on me every time."
I haven't been completely by myself for more than 2 hours for an entire year.
I was almost afraid of what would happen when I finally found privacy in my room.
Not much surprise... I'm alone.
It's quiet aside from my own breathing. It's almost shocking not to be interrupted.
What did I think would happen once I had my own room? That the floodgates would open up, maybe. That the privacy would let me breathe. That I could take down the wall and feel a little of what I've been avoiding thinking about in depth for so long. I didn't have time... there was so much to do... but you can't love others if you don't love yourself.
Despite what I assumed might happen, I'm at a standstill. Everything is so tangled that I don't know where to start. I find distractions during the day and then cry myself to sleep over what I can't always pinpoint. When did I become so afraid? I don't want to be one of them.
I sabotaged it all. "I say there's trouble when everything's fine... the need to destroy things creeps up on me every time."
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