Going to California

With an achin' in my heart.

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I packed up my young life and moved it to San Diego only to pack it all up again and take it somewhere else. My life had been condensed, yet scattered at the same time. I didn't know where I was headed for my first year or how I'd get there, but I trembled in my vans and waited before I judged, my shoes loose enough for me to get swept up in a whirlwind of finding out who I wanted to be and who I could be.

Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.

My life has grown, overflowing with things I can't seem to part with. I want it all, I want it all in my life and will make. My freshman year in college is over. Did we get wild, crazy, drunk, to celebrate, go out with a bang? No. Slightly bored, we enjoyed each other's company... no rush.

My room is empty. I smell like Courtney's perfume after hugging her. Our floors are shining and clean and hearing Caro's voice crack after she'd been crying made me sadder than I've been all day.

Nothing's resolved. Everyone has these unresolved issues surrounding them like spiderwebs going into summer. Aren't we supposed to start summer free? We're learning. All we can do is go with it in hopes that everything will be alright. Because in the end, our tomorrows aren't gauranteed-- you'll never see that girl down the hall again, you'll never listen to music with that boy again, you'll never walk across the bridge and talk nonsense about sunglasses as you secretly gush over his pinstripe pants and shoes that remind you of Grandpa.

Everything is so bittersweet... and when it's bittersweet is when it's the most beautiful. Ends and beginnings, possibilities, sadness, but excitement and anxiety at the same time. Never take it for granted, never regret it, never change it, never apologize for it, relive every minute of it if given the chance, and always, always... take the chance.

Took my chances on a big jet plane, never let 'em tell you that they're all the same.