Say yes

The last year or so has been pleasantly forgetful, and I don't realize it's so until I remember things from the past that weren't that way. My best memories, the ones that can still make me sweat, make my heartbeat speed, smell the grass, touch the moisture in the air, and make me feel the way I did when they happened... were before I came here and got caught up in a routine of what I should be doing. I never wanted to be a person who'd grow up and fall into a chain of events, a mindless race towards something that's only important because others have said so. A dollar only has the value you chose to give it.

I wanted to do something worthwhile, something of importance that I could look back on and remember. I want to do it all. I want to remember who I so badly wanted to be and forget who I became for a second, because there's a disconnect and I'm too much everything to stay complacent. I want to be a part of everything, meet everyone, see all the beauty and ugly and in between, because really... it's all beautiful. I hate that I started to do things because someone else thought it would be best, that I've apologized when I wasn't sorry, and that I've even considered changing who I was for someone. Would it have been pleasant? Yeah, it would have. Would I have been happy? Maybe sometimes. But none of it would have been done for me, and I would have forgotten my life in a second.

I'm going to try and remember the list of things I wanted to do before all this and add to it... they're simple.

No more white lies. I was born a bad liar and cursed myself for always having to be honest because honesty can hurt people. However, if I'm surrounding myself with people who want lies, I need to rethink. I'll smile in pictures if I feel like it. I never used to apologize... because I knew that later, I'd be thankful for every moment that made me who I was, and I'm going back to that. I've always had more respect for people who were able to disappoint me with the truth than please me with a lie.

"Money, cars, and clothes..."
The future of an artist is bleak, and it's exciting. Bleak means that there is nothing concrete awaiting me; all the more reason to create. Now, I want to say, "Yes." Yes to every invitation, idea, moment, sense, and feel it all.



If it's a big bucket... be a big drop of water.